


My Sunshine

by Wunderlust



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, I dont really know what to tag this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-13
Updated: 2015-01-13
Packaged: 2018-03-07 10:19:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3171266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wunderlust/pseuds/Wunderlust
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Daryl reflects on how Beth became his light.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Sunshine

**Author's Note:**

> This was a product of my anger and pain over Beth's death and my first Walking Dead fic.. It is my version of what went through Daryl's mind. Please enjoy.

_**Oh.** _

   Before _her_ I just didn't care about people or life in general like I should have. After losing Merle, the first time, I was a complete and total ass. I know that. I was just a worse version of myself that I was in everyday life before the apocalypse. Eventually I softened somewhat. I mean I was so sure I could find Sophia. It was then I realized just how much we all need something to keep us going in this wasteland. However life is never that rewarding. Sophia was dead. After that I built my walls even higher. The speck of light and hope I had was extinguished. I just carried on day to day trying to survive. I didn't want to let myself truly care about anyone anymore. It was too painful. Losing Merle the second and finally time was proof enough. Then I all worried about was helping the group. Life went on and we continued to survive.

Then it all went to shit for what seemed like the hundredth time. What I didn't know was it was the best thing to happen to me in a long time.

  A simple four letter word. I didn't truly understand it until _her._ The girl who lost her way once and fought her way back. The girl who, even after watching everyone she loved being ripped from her finger tips, didn't let the light in her heart dim. It didn't matter how hard she was hit, she would get back up. When the prison fell, all I could think was how much more was I supposed to take? I lost my brother then I lost my family. Rick, Carol, Glenn,… now here I was on my own with her. How was I supposed to keep her alive when she was so weak? 

Damn was I wrong.

  After all of the screaming and the yelling came the tentative process of truly learning from each other. Actually, it was more like she unearthed parts of me that were buried so deep under years of abuse and pain; while I helped her by pushing her to blossom into who she already was but wasn't allowed to be yet from being casted as the weak one. It wasn't until that night in the kitchen that I knew I would be okay, that we were good for each other, and that I actually had hope. It was if she had broken through my walls and given me some of her light. From the moment we came upon that god forsaken funeral home ( _a serious piggyback ride_ ) I felt… content, for the first time in a long time. Yeah the world was shit and danger was ever present but I wasn't _alone_. I had someone who wasn't going to give up on me and I sure as hell wasn't going to give up on her.  

  That time spent in the “safe” confines of the house opened up my eyes to see Beth as more than; as she put it, another dead girl. I saw her ability to see the beauty in the darkest of places like in death and even me. I saw her silly, innocent, optimistic side when she came running at the mention of a dog. I saw her vulnerable side when she sang and felt it when she threaded her fingers through my as we stood in front of the grave remembering her father. Interwoven through it all was her strength to keep going, to do more than survive but to _live_.

  Honestly, I stopped seeing her as another dead girl long before that. But, it wasn't until those last few days with her that I accepted how much I changed, how much I cared for her. Was it anything I would have pursued? Was it just a crush? Was it something deeper? Was it something completely different? I don’t know. I was just starting to find out. What I do know is I would give anything to see her smile… to hear her voice… to hold her in my arms… to have her alive.

  The night she was taken was like a bad dream. For one second our eyes are meeting over candle light and the next I am screaming her name as a car drives away. I blame myself. I was so caught up in how she was affecting me that I didn't notice the signs that it was a trap. After it happened my only drive was to find her, if the running for hours didn't show it enough. I got stuck with that bastard group (c _laimed_ ) and I would have killed that asshole who indirectly spoke of her without blinking if I wasn't stopped.

  Flash forward to reuniting with the group, knowing she was right that they were okay was another push for me to find her. It was because of her that I was comfortable accepting Rick calling me his brother and that I allowed myself to hug Carol when she showed up. She gave me the courage to allow myself to love. The walls around my heart now had a door that I could let who I wanted through.

  Continuing through all the messed up shit that got us all standing in that fucking hospital corridor, I had done it. I found her. The light in me was flickering in anticipation in my heart knowing she was here and ok. Just a little bit more and she would be by my side. They passed Carol over and I could breathe a little easier. Next she was finally walking a crossed the floor to us. I saw Rick kiss the side of her head and finally I was reaching out to her shoulder. I squeezed it and our eyes met. I saw relief that we were here and love, for not only me, but our family in her eyes. Just as she was about to be behind me, to be safe, the bitch cop opened her mouth. I saw the steel of fury enter her blue eyes and the lines of her body making them harden. She spun around, out of safety, and protested for Noah. The rest was of a blur of noise. One moment she is talking, then raising her hand and bring it down, and then there is a gunshot. The next moment I am shooting off a round as fury, terror, and grief flood my body. I felt the tears and heard the cries of the group around me. I knelt down, picked up her body and walked out.

Beth was my light. What am I supposed to do in this darkness?

****

**_The other night, dear, as I lay sleeping_ **

**_I dreamt I held you in my arms_ **

**_When I awoke, dear, I was mistaken_ **

**_So I hung my head, and I cried_ **

****

**_You are my sunshine, my only sunshine_ **

**_You make me happy when skies are grey_ **

**_You never know, dear, how much I love you_ **

**_Please don't take my sunshine away_ **

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**_Please don't take my sunshine away_ **

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**Author's Note:**

> Soooo how was it? I completely ship Bethyl however I don't think they completely knew what they were yet. Please review I love feedback! xoxo ~Catie


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